MY MOTHER'S BATTLE WITH ADDICTION

The day I heard my mother sniffing lines in the bathroom was heartbreaking. I was fourteen and I felt my body go numb. My mother and father had just recently separated and she had told me she wasn’t in love with my father anymore. My mom moved me and my two brothers out to San Bernardino County to the city of Rancho Cucamonga in 1994, this is where our new life would begin and everything about my mother would change. My dad was absolutely devastated for he had lost his whole family. As much as I was ready to welcome a change in our new move my heart broke for my dad. My best friend had just moved to Ontario which was not too far away so I was able to hang out with her and I was somewhat happy. My mother started dating new men, they seemed like nice men but what I didn’t know at the time was that they were drug addicts. Her new boyfriend was a “Tweaker” he enjoyed smoking Methamphetamine so it was no surprise it was now my mother’s new habit. When I realized how much my mom was doing it, I felt like I couldn’t help but also like I couldn’t speak up and tell her anything since I too had begun my party life. It was all about fun not realizing what toll it would take on all of us as she got deeper into her addiction. My mother’s personality started to change, my brothers would always go with my dad or they would be with me. My brother Mark who was eight years younger than me was depressed without my father, he hated his new school and the city we lived in he pleaded and cried for weeks to go live with him. The day my brother went to go live with my dad was a sad day, even though I knew my dad was very happy I felt our little family was getting torn apart more and more. My little brother Richard was fourteen years younger than me he was only six months old when my mom and dad separated and he has always been not only my baby brother but like my other son. My mom would always leave for days at a time with her boyfriend she would call a day or two after being gone to check on us, it was always a back and forth thing with her. While my mom was addicted to smoking methamphetamine, she was employed at The County of Los Angeles but she slowly started missing work and her and her boyfriend started having horrible arguments he started abusing her, breaking her stuff, breaking windows, I would never step in to say anything I was afraid he could do something worse. I decided to call the cops to scare him one night when he was getting all crazy, they didn’t take him in it just frightened him for a little while. Off and on my mom would always say she was done with him but it was always a break up to make up kind of tumultuous relationship. I was Eighteen when she decided she wanted to move back to LA County we lived only a few blocks away from my dad and my brother Richard went to live with my dad and now it was just me and my mom and my step-father. My mother’s beautiful face was also not the same anymore it was all marked up with scabs and scars from all the picking she would do to her face, she would spend hours doing this while she was high on “Meth”, she was irritable and also a drunken mess. My mom lost her job at The County and now she relied on welfare money and money from me since I was employed. Her “connect” Drug Dealer was at the house almost every day and my mom’s pupils always dilated and bulging out, she didn’t look good at all. I knew she was hard up for drugs when she started scoring from friend’s I knew out in the streets they would tell me she hit them up for “meth”. I could not believe how deep she was in but I was also in denial as I became an alcoholic, I was trying to numb my pain and what I didn’t want to face on a daily was ongoing in front of my face and the addiction kept getting worse. I worked grave yard shift and sleeping in the day was difficult since we lived in a small one bedroom waking up to their domestic arguments, blaring oldies, her screaming his shouting, our iron being thrown across the room, her in the car revving the engine wanting to take off. It went on like this for another year until finally she had no money for rent and it was time to move again but this time without me. She moved back to Ontario in San Bernardino County living in her boyfriend’s family’s garage and then later getting kicked out of there to her boyfriend living in the streets and her sleeping endless nights in her car. We never seen her unless I went to her, months would go on without her visiting my little brothers one time she didn’t come around for 8 months, she missed my baby shower, my brothers parent conferences and birthdays. She would always be paranoid driving on the road but I knew why it was because she was always high.  I would always be sure to take care of my brothers and always be there for them my father had his own issues he had become an alcoholic as well but even then he was always the backbone that held me and my siblings together he was a great father and was still always concerned about my mother, he still loved her and would always try and talk some sense into her but she didn’t want to hear it from anyone. My mom had a few episodes of hitting rock bottom the first time was in 2006 I was already twenty six my brothers were already twenty and thirteen my mom had lost everything and more my step father started “pan handling” asking for money from people out in the streets and they started “Dumpster diving” looking for recyclables and any valuables they could sell that had been thrown in the trash. My mom and step father had a major argument and he had hit her again she was sick of him again and needed a place to live my dad took her in and she lived with him for a few months they were always able to stay friends and I was thankful for that my father always tried to help her in whatever way he could. I would always help out my mom with money but she would hardly come around and when we would see her there was never any affection or love the we yearned for from her, there was never any I Love You or I miss you. I finally got my own place in 2009 I was doing really well I had a new job getting paid well, I had my own car and she came to live with me but she was still getting high. Her breaking point was Christmas Day 2010 at my apartment her boyfriend was drunk causing a scene in front of my brother’s and now my son who was eleven my step father was talking down to my mom cussing her out in front of all us and  he wanted to hit her, my oldest brother was about to physically fight our step father my mom had to stop it and made him leave, she didn’t want to look back after that she said she was done with meth and she didn’t want to do it anymore she ended up quitting cold turkey and to this day she has been clean eight and a half years. I am thankful those days are over they weren’t good for any of us. My mother has many ailments mentally and physically but she was able to stay strong and resist temptation by attending Narcotics anonymous and Mental Health, our bond has become stronger and she has been able to build a relationship with my brother’s. It did affect me and my brothers, it can be hard to express our love and affection but I have been working on it to show my kids the love and attention they need. This has definitely been tough on all of us. I am thankful to have my mother in my life today. My father passed away in December 2017 and since then my mom has been there for us in whatever way she can by visiting her grandkids and letting us know she loves us. Our step father passed away four months after our father in April 2018, it was hard on our mother but we have been here for her as well. Realizing it all now when a drug has that much control over you, none of us realize the lifelong effects it can actually have on your whole family. My mom has been able to overcome those demons now and does not want to look back, she overcame her addiction and is now living drug free.