THE MYSTERY OF THE AFFLICTED: CUNNING, BAFFLING AND POWERFUL

Everybody knows the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Although it may have been a fictional story, the concept is all too real for the addict. Lots of people have different opinions about addiction, but the fact of the matter is that it is a genetic disposition which exists from birth, and once “activated” by taking the first drink or drug, there is no off switch. One is too many, and a thousand is never enough. In the memoir, Beautiful Boy, by David Sheff, the author illustrates the struggle his family endured due to his son’s addiction. His son Nic is hooked on meth and has been battling his addiction for years. Sheff agonizes over the fact that he is powerless over his son’s life and becomes obessed with Nic’s addiction. There are many failed attempts at rehab, and trips to jail. Nothing seems to pull Nic out of this hopeless state of mind and being. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states that “frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices” (Wilson XXVIII). Essentially nothing that anyone says or does will convince an addict to completely surrender, because they have to hit their own “rock bottom” and decide for themselves that they have truly had enough. Addiction is an obsession of the mind, and an allergy of the body, which make for a deadly combination. Addiction is a disease, caused by a genetic disposition, the inability to handle life on life’s terms, and a spiritual malady.

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People who suffer from the disease of addiction have been born with this affliction. Most show signs of being an addict before they actively begin to use. In Beautiful Boy, Sheff describes a dream that Nic had when he was young; “In Nic’s dream, he and his friends line up for the morning vampire check. Gloved teachers lift the sides of their lips to see if fangs have replaced their eyeteeth. The children who are vampires are instantly struck dead with a steak through the heart. Nic, recounting the dream in the car one morning, says it is unfair to the vampires because they can’t help themselves” (Sheff 27). The dream that Nic has demonstrates the underlying addiction that he has as a child, even before he takes the first drink. Some might interpret this dream as Nic subconsciously feeling different from the others and worrying that he will be chastised for being born differently... an addict. This prejudice towards the vampires in Nic’s dream is similar to the discrimination that addicts face, because society has not come to terms with the fact that it is indeed a genetic disposition. While some people might argue that no one forces the addict to take the first drink or drug, no one truly knows that they are an addict until they become hooked, and by that time the phenomenon of craving is irreversible. Sheff learns from a lecturer at one of Nic’s rehabs that, “It’s a tricky illness. Yes, people do have choices about what to do about it. It’s the same with an illness like diabetes. A diabetic can choose to monitor his insulin levels and take his medication; an addict can choose to treat his disease through recovery. In both cases, if they don’t treat their illnesses, they worsen and the person can die” (Sheff 150). The genetic factor of addiction sometimes gives addicts the excuse that “they can’t help themselves”, but if they are given enough time away from the drug they are no longer under hypnosis, and their recovery from that point on is their responsibility. One of the first signs that someone is an addict is their inability to handle life on life’s terms.

I discovered that I was an addict when I was in high school, but before my addiction was “activated”, I simply could not cope with life and refused to accept its terms. I felt as if everyone was given a guide to life, and I did not receive one. From a young age I remember the vividly haunting feeling that my skin didn’t fit, I felt like an entirely different species. Nic seemed to have the same experience in his early years, before his addiction began. David Sheff and his wife Vicky divorced when Nic was three, flipping Nic’s world upside down. Vicky moved to Los Angeles and Sheff stayed in San Francisco. Vicky would get Nic during summer and holidays and Sheff would be his primary home. Sheff recalls an early indication of his son’s addiction when he writes, “I sense that Nic is undergoing a fitful transformation, as if a tug of war is being waged inside him. He holds on to his stuffed crab and the pandas, but he has taped a Nirvana poster on his bedroom wall. Though he still often rebels against conventional habit and taste. More and more he succumbs to peer pressure” (Sheff 36). The feeling of tug of war inside of Nic is universal amongst addicts. The fight between the addiction and the yearn to be “normal” is lifelong. Picture an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other. They consume you, the voices colliding and fighting to win you over. So, what is the answer for an addict in the midst of an all-out warfare of the mind? The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us that, “Acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today… Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.” (Wilson 417). Nic’s solution is at arm’s length, but the footwork is up to him. Acceptance is the first step to recovery. Once an addict accepts that they are powerless over drugs and alcohol, they must then recognize that a power greater than themselves can restore them to sanity.

The idea of a higher power is baffling and incomprehensible for some; however, it is an essential to the recovering addict. Those who are born with the disease of addiction have a spiritual malady, meaning that we have a “God shaped whole” inside of us which we try to fill with outside things.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous refers to these bedevilments as, “basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid” (Wilson 62). Easier said than done – if the higher power is the cure-all then how do we harness it? Nic struggles profoundly with the idea of a higher power which I believe contributes greatly to why he cannot stay sober. Sheff may not have raised Nic in a religious or spiritual household, yet when Nic is in rehab Sheff makes an attempt to reconcile by simplifying the idea of a higher power. Sheff recounts to Nic what his father taught him, “his concept of God: the ‘still small voice’ inside us – our consciences. I don’t call it God, but I too believe in our consciences. When we listen to that voice, we do the right thing. When we don’t, we fail to” (Sheff 154). Although Nic rejects the idea of a higher power, defending his atheism and claiming that it is just “more bullshit”, the concept plants a seed in his mind. Throughout his many trials and tribulations Nic juggles with the idea of a higher power, blind to the fact that a God has been there all along. I am a firm believer that we are in charge of the actions and God is responsible for the results. All an addict can do is pray for God’s will and for the power to carry it out. As far as Nic is concerned, it starts with putting aside materialistic things that block his conscious contact with his higher power, whatever or whomever he chooses it to be. He does not have to be religious, but just needs to concede to his innermost self that there is a power greater than himself that can begin to repair this spiritual ailment.

The hurricane of addiction is a combination of several different factors. An addict suffers from being born with the addiction gene, the inability to handle life on life’s terms, and a spiritual malady. Sheff is burdened with the backlash of Nic’s addition, which takes the entire family hostage. Sheff relates to a counselor at Nic’s rehab that says, “An addict can take over the family – take all of a parent’s attention, even at the expense of other children and of one’s spouse. Family members’ moods become dependent on how the addict is doing. People become obsessed. It’s understandable, but it’s harmful. They become controlling in ways that they were never before, because they are so afraid” (Sheff 153). This book has taught me a valuable lesson, and I can feel Sheff’s agony deeply, relating to when my then husband was in his addiction. I too was taken hostage, along with my young daughter. It took a toll on me that almost cost me my sobriety, however with God by my side I conquered the unthinkable, time and time again. The parallels between myself and Nic, and myself and Sheff are equally compelling. The lesson that I received from this novel is that life is the constant, and we are the variable. The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous can be applied to not only Nic but to anyone who is devoted to changing their life and adapting to a new set of guiding principles based on a greater moral code. The battle with addiction is utterly baffling and will take countless lives, but I believe that this memoir will save many addicts and families sleepless nights, giving them piece of mind, at the very least. The outside world may never know the despair of the afflicted, but I pray that each day we come a step closer.

Works Cited

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Sheff, David. Beautiful Boy. New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, 2008. Print.

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W., Bill. Alcoholics Anonymous : The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism. New York :Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1976. Print.